JoshBlog

Disregard the twelve-month posting gap.

2008-09-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Hey, nobody!
I'm here at home, sitting on the computer and putting off writing my application essay. Yeah, I suck. I've been beating myself up about it for the past month, but I've been way too lethargic to actually do anything. This year has been weird so far. For the past four years of my high school life, my stress outside of school has primarily consisted of just getting my work done. Now I have to worry about getting my shit together in order to get into the college I want and worrying about getting all my stuff done for school. Oh well. I know I'm just bitching, but that's the stupid crap I need to get over.
[transition]
I should make a promise to update this site more often. I have some unfinished posts that I saved that are somewhat presentable, so I'll probably spend some time finishing those up. Anyways, I just need a creative outlet. School sometimes boggs you down like that. You can only write so many essays about literary devices until you feel compelled to write a blog post about how much you love Project Runway or how weird life sometimes turns out to be. So, I'll continue to write here, clogging the intertubes with another blog about another teenager's life.

And on a completely unrelated note: I seriously need to steal the grill from my parents. I've had some variation on grilled flesh for the past four days. Seriously. Could I get some pasta or something? Geez.

;

2007-12-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

The period is black and stark. It it small. It is authoritative. It shows nothing. It serves no other function than to terminate. It is definite by nature. It is the black dot that pierces the white of sentences. It subjugates each previous statement to its own.

The comma, it is unsure. The comma is submissive to its two indefinite parts, and it cannot rely on its own being to have meaning. Because it slips under the union of the cluster of dominant words that support it, it is unable to stand upon its own. It stands unrerect, for it lacks a defining quality that allows it to be its own.

The semicolon is what brings the two together; it commands a certain authority, but it remains open to the indefinite nature of the mind of the writer. The semicolon builds upon an idea; it elicits a certain memory from the reader. It is educated, for it continually pulls upon its predecessors and previous ideas to move forward; It is definite while still being indefinite; it terminates one but not without the conditions for another.

I found this very amusing.

2007-09-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

Yay for playing Scrabble at one in the morning! I'm so mature.

Very scattered thoughts on last night's Repulican debate.

2007-06-06T19:37:00.001-07:00

I finally remembered to TiVo a presidential debate (yuss!). Last night it was the Repulican debate-- I missed the Democratic debate. Thank god for TiVo, though; seriously, two hours of political crap easily fast forwarded to the important parts. "I grew up as a blue collar worker's son in [insert middle-American town]..." boop-boop "Blah, blah, blah...What defines an American?..." boop-boop "the terrorists hate our freedom...". Some of the parts that I didn't fast forward through:

Immigration:
It's kind of odd to think that some of these candidates really believe that the answer to illegal immigration involves the impossible task of rounding up every illegal Mexican in the United States and deporting them and the ridiculous concept that building a bigger, badder fence (with robot-alligator moats, I would presume) can solve anything. Obviously, if the current immigration process isn't working, it needs to be changed; howerever, I'm hoping the plans purposed would be better than President Bush's "guest worker" plans.

Gays in the Military:
This one was kind of random. If anything, gay marriage is a far bigger deal than "Don't ask, don't tell" ( I was actually disappointed that the issue wasn't raised). Unfortunately, every single candidate agreed that the system is working. What?! No it's not! How is being dishonorably charged from the military based solely on sexual orientation working? I guess it's okay to discriminate against homos in the military; "we're at war."

Global Warming:
Basically, nobody had any insight that struck me as reasonable. The almost unanimous proposal from the candidates to solve global warming (global climate change, whatever) was to increase reliance on nuclear energy. Yes, nuclear emits nothing into the atmosphere, but there is one small caveat to that: nuclear waste only becomes safe after such a long time (6,000+ years half life, depending on the material). We might as well be living in a smog infested, oxygen depleted atmosphere than a radioactive wasteland. WHY does nobody realize this? It's common sense! Geez.

Abortion:
Okay, the big one. Personally, I don't know where I stand on this issue. Though I lean more towards the Pro-Life side, there are still some things that are pushing me into the gray area: I don't believe that this should be regulated at the federal level; and, though I believe in protecting an unborn fetus's opportunity at life, there are times in which a forced birth would be inappropriate. The candidates all took the Pro-Life stance. However, I think Giuliani is pandering and, based on his previous stances he is trying to cover up his past inconsistencies by stating he merely was Pro-State level regulation. Other than that, not much variety in the arguments of the candidates.

None of these candidates really impressed me, though Ron Paul did strike my fancy-- I could never see him as a president, however. Also, who the hell really cares if Mitt Romney is a Mormon? Granted, he does seem a little nutty, but I really could care less if he's a Mormon. Hey! according to Fox News, we already have a radical Islamic democrat running for president, so what's the big deal?

Dear DRM, you suck.

2007-06-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today I received this CD from Lala.com, a completely legit and legal CD-swapping site. I placed the CD into my CD drive, intending to rip it through iTunes onto my computer-- again, completely legal. However, the folks at Sony BMG had plans otherwise: they a) encrypted the data on the CD so that it cannot be ripped onto a computer by making all the ripped files skip b) made me agree to a EULA and download some skeezy software of their own (which I didn't do) just to freaking keep a godamn CD on my computer. I don't want to go P2P the file; I don't want to make copies and hand them out; I WANT TO LISTEN TO SONGS ON MY COMPUTER! Now they have driven me to go find a way to illegally circumvent the data protection all so I can add this CD to my digital collection. It shouldn't be this much work: I legally own the CD! Sony tried to pull this crap recently, and they got into trouble. It's ridiculous. This is what causes people to pirate CDs. If people can't own the stuff they buy, they might as well steal it (not saying that I would). The RIAA is probably going to send me a cease and desist letter now for justifying illegal downloads. Whatever, I should really start supporting iTune Plus or eMusic.

Update: After three hours, thank you, Princeton!

Existentialism Made Easy!

2007-05-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

I decided to submit an article to WikiHow. Too bad my article is getting deleted as I type. Oh well, here it is (was).

How to Exist

Are you having and existential Crisis? Well, this article aims to show you how to exist in three simple steps.

Steps

1. Be born. This is an important step; it's kind of hard to be a part of the natural world without being born.
2. Be alive. Hello and welcome to Earth. It's a nice place to live.
3. Repeat Step 2 as long as possible.

Tips

* Don't die. You can't live if you're dead. Here's a simple acronym to remember how not to die: B.F.D.S.D.B.M.E.
B.- Breathe. Your body needs oxygen to survive. The lack of oxygen inevitably leads to the lack of life, so remember to inhale and exhale air.
F.- Feed your self. The entire homeostasis of your body depends on energy. Where does energy come from? Food, of course! Food to stay away from: anything poisonous and human flesh (cannibalism is frowned upon, unless you're in a remote cannibal tribe where that is cool, then it's alright.)
D.- Drink water. The human body is more than 70% water, so you kind of need it to survive.
S.- Sharp objects. Yeah, they're bad and usually lead to injury and/or death. Try to avoid poking yourself with them as much as possible.
D. Diseases. Diseases lead to death, so try to avoid places that look like incubators for diseases: old food, raw meat, rabid animals, mold, cesspools, Paris Hilton, etc.
B.- Blood. When blood comes out of you, it's usually a bad thing. Once you start bleeding, seek out immediate attention (i.e. band-aides or a hospital).
M. Moderation. As with most things in life, moderation is key. Don't be a glutton and remember that there's a limit to the stuff you can ingest or be exposed to.
E.- Etcetera. The human creature learns and can reason. Use your brain and determine what is and what isn't a good decision in living. Don't be stupid. There's countless ways to die, and I can't put them all here; but you should be able to logically determine what is benign or not, if there's a failure to do so on your part, well, that's just Darwinism.

Warnings

* See B.F.D.S.D.B.M.E.

Yay for old essays!

2007-05-01T17:36:00.002-07:00

So, I'm still too lazy to write anything new, and I decided to post an essay I wrote for a contest. It's kind of lame but oh well.

Opportune Changes

     The human creature adapts: we age, we mature, and we continue to change until we are inevitably changed back into our most basic components. It can be said that change is a natural occurrence, so why is it that we so vehemently protest change?
     The human mentality tends to contradict this “natural” change; it is the fear that we no longer control what we once knew, and it is the fear that we are powerless against our own lives that drives us to confine ourselves into a stagnant system within ourselves. So, we build a inert world where we believe the natural occurrences are sterilized to the random and minor inconveniences that tend to accompany the untamable, wild aspects of nature. Yet this construct world of sterility is shattered when one completely insignificant yet significant break occurs. This break usually is undetected, unavoidable, or even unnoticeable, but its ramifications alter the world of the one affected. The ramparts built to avoid the occurrences of change crumble under the weight of the uncontrollable. No longer are we the gods of our own fate. We are, instead, helpless children picked on by that big kid called life. It is in these moments that the opportunity at freedom arises.
     The ability to change is the ability to live, and adaptation is the source of this freedom. Though we cannot control the breaks in our world, we can change our world to fit the breaks. Ironically, we are only truly in control of our lives when we relinquish all mortal control of our lives to the whim of the uncontrollable. We may not have absolute control of the events that shape our lives, but we have utter control how we shape the impacts of the events in our lives. We are then freed from the fear of the unknown and unmanageable when we do so. This freedom to fail, the freedom to chance, the freedom to regret, and most importantly the freedom to learn allows us to grow.
     Our reactions to change—be they wise or foolish—teach us about ourselves and help us to evolve and survive. Change evolves us from our tunneled perspective and allows us to experience ourselves and the complexities and randomness of life. Each unexpected change allows us to gain better knowledge of ourselves based on how each of us personally reacts. We improve upon our weaknesses in poor judgment that caused or preempted change, and we dote upon the judgments made right. Without change we would be ignorant to the realities of life, and we would, therefore, be weakened as we progressed further into the insurmountable unknowns dealt to us.
     We panic at the unknown and uncontrollable aspects that accompany life, but it is these very changes that allow us to survive. Adaptation is freedom from the fear of the obscurities of life, and adaptation is the ability to learn and to evolve. Fear not change. Change is but the opportunity; it is what one does with the change that one garners control of life and wisdom to move on.

I should update this thing more often...meeh.

2007-04-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

I really should update this thing more often. I don't think it would matter if I don't; nobody reads this thing. I probably should also delete some of my extremely stupid previous blogs. Anyways, I'll get around to doing that sometime soon (maybe), if I don't end up killing myself before the AP Chemistry exam. Until then, this is me slamming my face on the keyboard: nb m imnb hgbhb67 nb.

The Twelve Stages of Not Getting a Wii.

2007-01-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

Stage One: Sadness.
"But...But I wanted one so badly, I was so happy to get one today... Zelda!!Zeeelda!!!

Stage Two: Denial.
There has to be one left. The employees are hiding them. Maybe if I look in the back room. Yeah, that's right, I bet that guy who works the TV section is totally stashing them.

Stage Three: Anger.
What?! I've been checking every week and this happens!!! Why are there only 20?!! Stupid Nintendo.

Stage Four: Disdain.
Why should they get one and not me. Psh, I probably wanted one before they knew what a Wii was. Heck, I wanted it when it was called the Revolution. I should throw rocks at them.

Stage Five: Ebay
Let's see, that's $500 plus shipping and handling. That's not too bad.

Stage Six: Forum/blog posting
Does anyone feel my pain?

Stage Seven: Reversion into solitude (i.e. a dark corner in the fetal position)

Stage Eight: Fear.
Wait, what happens if I never get one? What if they run out forever? Surely, the world is a dark place without Nintendo's whim.

Stage Nine: Whining
But...I really need to Wii.

Stage Ten: Admirance
I can't physically touch it, but it looks so cool and pretty. Oooo.

Stage Eleven: Acceptance.
Hey, it's not so bad. Eventually they'll get new shipments, right?

Stage Twelve: Hope.
They last shipped in December, so that means I should have one in February or March. A month and a half isn't that long. I can wait.

Holiday Cheer (or lack thereof)

2006-12-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, the holidays. The special time of year when B-list celebrities put out horrible Christmas albums and everyone pretends that small children sitting on a over-aged, over-weight stranger's lap is totally not creepy. It's the time of year when Hallmark movies tell us that the holiday spirit can save us from our abusive husbands and alcoholic daddies. Yet, I've recently come to notice that there's something ingenious about this time.

It seems that during these days, everyone is dutifully obligated to put on a farce of happiness. For one season, we are told to pretend we do not fully detest those with whom one is with. Oh, of course, gifts are given, but only to those to whom it is assumed the gift will be reciprocated. We have put so much meaning into the gift itself and the whole "aura" of the holidays, that we have become puppets of joy. Puppets who do what is normal and what is expected from claymation Christmas movies.

Of course, there are those exception to which my gripe does not apply-- those true moments when we give to who we care and the effort is appreciated. I am not saying that I hate the holidays, nor am I saying that our materialism is the fall of humanity. All I would just like to convey is that we can not wrap our apathy and irksomeness in a pretty bow and call it holiday magic.

Sunday Clean-up

2006-10-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

Countless cleaning products claim to, "Eliminate 99.9% of all germs!" If these products do, indeed, leave our untidy lives immaculately tidy, then why are we beholden to the fact that we must clean again? This is why I find Sunday clean-up pointless.

Are we that blissfully ignorant to the fact that we can never truly clean? Furthermore, are we destined to clean the same mess until we can not clean anymore? If these cleaning products claim to kill 99.9% of all germs, why is it not also added that in a matter of seconds 99.9% of the germs will be back? We are adroit to the fact that if we do not clean religiously every week, we will fall into the unruly perils of untidy living.

This makes us bound to the implacable reality that we can never be content; and, yet, in vain we try each week to obtain the stainless perfection so striven for. It is disheartening to know that even when we seemed satisfied, the nagging probability is there that once we fulfill the temporary, we can never truly be satisfied.

Who says classic literature and kinky sex can't go together?

2006-10-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

I wonder what results Crime and Punishment gets. Whoopisha.

Some truly 'touching' moments from Capitol Hill.

2006-10-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm super late at pointing this out, but I haven't read the messages until now. Next time I molest little boys, I'll defiantly remember to delete my message history.

For being a U.S. Representative I'd expect better grammar, Foley. Tisk, Tisk. I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the fact that you're discussing touching your page's pee-pee or the deplorable grammar; yeah, I think I'll go with the pee-pee touching:

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:04 PM): normal clothes

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts

Maf54 (8:04:17 PM): um so a big buldge

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:35 PM): ya

Maf54 (8:04:45 PM): um

Maf54 (8:04:58 PM): love to slip them off of you

P.S. Shame on you, Denis Hastert. You knew about this for how long? Because you know these kinds of things, statutory rape and such, tend slip one's mind.

Wal*Mart: Killing my soul, always.

2006-10-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Wal*Mart is without exaggeration one of the most evil places I've been to in a long time. Anyone who does not agree is lying, or has not truly seen its true evil. It is the type of evil unlike, say, Star Jones or Satan. This is a palpable evil; an evil that follows you because this is reality. One can not dispute that Wal*Mart is not pleasing to the senses: the psyche-ward white ceiling unrelentingly burning into one's retinas, the headache-inducing pleas for Susan to come to the customer help center, the gnawing cries of children's shattered dreams of having McDonald's for dinner, the vests (oh god, the vests); in general, a swarming cesspool of bad taste. Sure, Wal*Mart's monopoly on low-cost crap is great. But it is worth your sole? Your SANITY? Oh capitalism, you bitch.

. . .This said, I gots me some more jelly for my jelly samiches for $1! Mmm...jelly samiches.

The picture encompasses so much.

2006-09-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

Oh Mr. iPod, how I love you so. Reminiscing about all the good times you and I had seems like only yesterday; now your life may be evanescing from your now cold metallic body. Indeed, how cold that steel body is.

Unaware of your immanent fate, I saw that Apple logo of which I have become accustomed to, yet it was not the same. So conveyed to me by you in the way your little iPod soul could, with an error icon-- not just an error icon, an icon of lamentation; it was icon of morose. The dark days of your life had begun.

In a state of panic, I restlessly searched for something to assuage your pain. I, unfortunately, could not. It seems you were not meant to live out a pain-free year of life.

Soon I hope to send you off. Your silicon heart will soon be repaid, or so I hope, back to its convivial vitality of yesteryear. Yet will your, and my, sentiments be repaired so easy?I do hope so.

So when the fateful day comes in which I release you to the obscure box, into this obscure world with the paternal pains of which plauge this situation, I will miss you, iPod. I will miss you earnestly.

Who's drinking the communion wine?!

2006-09-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

So, Josh, how did you spend your Saturday night? At a Church. Well, I wasn't exactly going to mass or anything; I promised my friend I'd keep her company while we sat through Jesus-screamo bands. Yes, Jesus-screamo. Oh, and if me spending some of my weekend in a church wasn't enough, I erroneously invited my friends—whom were drunk. I'm such a heathen.

Funny, too, the night started well. Of course, I was sitting next to the speaker-- on a pew, poignantly enough --while some crappy band basically screamed in my ear for an hour. On the whole, things were going fine and dandy; I was making jokes about the church people, talking (yelling) to my friend who I hadn't seen in a while, and pretty much having as much fun as I could muster in a house of God. Then my other friends came. Literally within the first seconds of seeing them, one of them foolzly walked to me and whispered in my ear, "I'm d-ruuunk." Odd how many stares are directed towards you when you're holding a drunk chick in you arm. Finally, we sat down in a corner in the back of the room while she rambled on. She soon began to ask, "Hey, are you a Jesus freak?!” which was all well, that is, until she began saying that to the church people there. We took her outside, vainly thinking that there would be less people to notice there- there wasn't. Alas, the problem seemed to be alleviated for the moment, and it was, aside from the occasional blurting of, "Whoo!!! I'm down with the G-O-D!!" or, "I have Jesus in my baw-day!" At last, she went home (fortunately she was not driving) without no more that an couple of odd looks directed at her—which, one would assume would be normal when one yells “VAGINA!” in a church.

So what’s the moral of the story? I should probably just stay out of churches.

Who can guess what my shirt says?

2006-09-05T18:27:00.000-07:00

So I got a yellow shirt at The Buffalo Exchange a couple of months ago, I even blogged about it. Until now, I just assumed it said something like, "Death to all infidels!! ♥," or maybe even, "I ♥ Osama." Yet none of these seem to surfice. I've taken it upon myself (perhaps because I have nothing better to do) to finnaly find out what the hell it says. So I post this to anyone whom comes along, and has the slightest idea about it; please post here.

Emmy, schmemmy.

2006-08-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

I hate The Emmys. Hell, I hate any award show longer than half an hour. I don't know why. Possibly it's the overdrawn speeches about God and publicists, the seemingly non-stop Pre-Pre-Pre What Did Patrick Dempsy Eat for Lunch?! shows, the lame jokes people crack in their speeches and the subsequent forced laughs that follow, or even just the aura of Hollywood stank.

Ironically, I'm watching them as I type this. Why, you may ask, am I watching them? Well, primarily, two reasons: Conan O'Brien is hosting and The Office is nominated. So, I have decided to subject myself this year to THREE HOURS of what amounts to people receiving shiny objects and feigning smiles. Well, that, and the fact that I need something to write about.

Here are my thoughts on the nominiees:

Outstanding Comedy Series
Who do I want to win? Easy, The Office.
Who will win? Some crap like Two and a Half Men. I hate that show. Although, I wouldn't mind any of the other nominees winning.
Winner: The Office!!!! Awesome.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Who do I want to win? I'm just going to put it out there again: Steve Carell (that man has my respect forever)
More realistically, Larry David will win and I'm fine with that.
Winner: The dude who plays Monk

Outstanding Drama Series
Who do I want to win? I really didn't watch any of these shows this season. So, I don't know.
Who will win? Probably 24 or Grey's Anatomy. Those are the only drama shows they pretty much talked about this season.
Winner: 24; I guessed right.

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series
Who do I want to win? Well, based on my previous comments in this area: The Office
Who will win? As I typed this, the winner was giving his speech. The winner is My Name is Earl. Funny show, I'm content.

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series
Who do I want to win? Again, I didn't really watch any of the nominees.
Who will win? Probably either of the Grey's Anatomy episodes (they're nominated twice) or The Sopranos. Definitely not Lost, I haven't heard good things.
Winner:The Sopranos.

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program
Who do I want to win? Project Runway
Who will win? American Idol. Ugh.
Winner:The Amazing Race

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
The Daily Show won. That answers both questions.

Oh, to the academy, how is Outstanding Guest Star a category? I mean what the hell? Anyways, I'll update later with the winners. 'Till then, I will waste my life watching close-ups of assorted celebrities clapping. Hey, it's already been an hour and I'm entertained.

Career Day

2006-08-25T21:36:00.000-07:00

This week has been a dull and tedious one. It was basically the adroit repetitiveness one would expect from a normal week of, well, nothing. I can't say that I hated this week, because I did not, nor can I say anything unusually quirky happened, because it did not- with the exception of maybe Friday. I did, however, read and finish the book Running with Scissors (it's a great, funny book and I would advise you kiddies to read it). For some reason, this book got me thinking (don't ask why) about my life once I'm done with high school. I know, I'm only 15-16, and I still have long time ahead of me, but I just wondered what should I do with my life? At the moment, I have pretty much no idea of what to do once I graduate from college, and inevitably make it with a career- not a job- to become successful.

It all seemed simple when I was younger. Some one would ask me, "What do you want to do when you grow up, Josh?" I would then promptly answer at age 6, "A dinosaur digger!" at age 8, "An astronaut!" at age 13, "I want to be a forensic pathologist!" (such a contrast from dinosaur digger and astronaut). Well, now that my dinosaur, astronaut, and somewhat morbid fascination phase is over, I am left pondering what to continue in life so that I can be not only happy, but fulfilled with my success.

Now, the elusive "success". When one thinks of this platonic idea, they envision golden mansions, perpetual money, designer clothes, and half naked Italian pool boys. Yet, as I have grown older, and the delusions of grandeur that every kid has-- ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up, they will answer, "rich," or "driving a stretch limo" -- have disintegrated away, "success" has become something entirely different. Of course, I would love to have Oprah kiss my ass for money, but I now know this is entirely impossible. Success has evolved into an aspiration less of money and "big pimpin'" to a dream of sound content with my life and my life's path. Yet, at this point in my life, I do not know what or even where my life and life's path will be. I had no idea of what to do. I honestly have no passion for a subject which I could in turn, turn into a career of which I love. Obviously, I am not a passionate person.

In school they give you those stupid What should you do? type surveys. I usually stare at the blank piece of paper until I decide to lie. When it asks, "Describe yourself," I usually put something along the lines of I'm creative, intelligent, I like to read, I like to travel, ... did I say creative? I don't really think any of those really accurately describe me. It is my belief that one cannot accurately describe themselves. You know what I mean? Like, when you're about to leave the house to do something, and you see yourself in the mirror when you get that one "hot angle," you think to yourself Holy Crap! You, sir, are a hottie! I would do you, rawr! Then, after you leave the house, you see yourself in a shiny window or something and are shocked at how different you look. That's how I feel when describing my interests. Sure, I like to read and write; but I can't seem to grasp or understand how I can turn this into a viable career. I don't earnestly think I'm particularly good at these things (I think it's my over-zealous use of punctuation) or that I am any better than the other large number of people who enjoy English.

Hence, this is why I can't seem to decide on any career that would not only interests me but to also fulfill me. All I know at this point is that I want to get out of this stupid town and do something bigger, greater, and more me. Who knows, maybe one day I'll find my Barbie Dream House and, what the hell, maybe a Ken to go in my Malibu convertible.

My heels are in my man-bag

2006-08-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, first I apologize for not updating (I doubt anybody cares). I've been busy this week- sort of. So now, alas, I am posting.

So, anyways,

This week I’ve seen a bunch of people whom I haven’t seen in a while. That’s good. Well, I’ve been getting the comment, “Oh! You look so ‘homofabulous’!” a lot recently. First I laughed, I mean, I guess it’s a compliment. Well, by the fourth time I heard that, I began wondering. Have I put myself in a rut by just being “that gay guy”? I’d like to think that people’s first impression of me consists of more than being flamboyantly queeny. No, I’m not saying that I’m ashamed of being gay- I’m quite proud; I just don’t want to be solely known for being the token homo. Of course, maybe I’m just overreacting a bit. But, like I said, I would just like to be assured in knowing that people think more of me than the dude who prances around giving fabulous makeovers.

Time to kill. Die, Time, die.

2006-08-04T20:14:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for the Fall Semester to start. I really need get out of the house. For my sanity, for my cleanliness, for a world that needs Josh (I kid). It seems my entire day has resorted to the following:

Wake up at 9:00-9:30ish
Roll out of bed, watch Regis and Kelly
Eat breakfast- usually oatmeal.
Watch an hour of Will and Grace
Spend the hours between 11:00 through 1:00 reading, surfing the inter-web, etc.
Eat Lunch
Watch Globe Trekker
Pass the time from 3:00 to 9:00 watching TV, reading, pondering, curing cancer ... , etc.
Another hour of Will and Grace
Sleep at 11:00 (unless it's a Wednesday, Thursday, or weekend)

I'm really not sure what's worse, the fact I can list my day-to-day activities or the fact that I do nothing. Added to this (or, aptly said because of this) I have not posted in around two weeks. Sorry. Although, I must say the only one who seems to have commented my blog since my last post was from Anonymous (it's the last comment. I would advise you not to click the link "Anonymous" left. Viruses and such). This person, Anonymous, apparently wants me to look at vacation homes.

Anyways, I promise I will update as soon as I find anything interesting to blog about.

P.S. I am totally watching the Teen Choice awards for one sole reason: I hear Kevin Federline is preforming. Hi-Larious. I can't wait.

Screw Hezbollah, I've got a queer to blog about!

2006-07-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like such an E! news reporter. Let the superficiality wash over. What I'm talking about is the recent delve into the personal life of 90's boy-bander (banger), Lace Bass. Apparently he's gay. I mean come on, is anyone really shocked? I think it was blatantly obvious that at least one of the N*Sync members enjoyed the half naked synchronized gyrations more than the others. Personally, I'm looking forward to the N*Sync reunion tour with Lance Bass in drag singing Madonna and Cher. Now, that, I would pay tickets to see. Anyhoo, good for you, Lance; nice to know the cute one is gay.

In other 90's pop star news ...

I have just heard Justin Timberlake's new single, "SexyBack", and I love it. Given, the lyrics have about as much substance as a Brittany Spears interview, but who cares? It's much like gum: having no nutritional value whatsoever, but fun to chew anyways. I'm also pleased to see Justin has given up his seemingly never ending quest to be black. Good thing too. I swear, if I see him wear that damn fedora to the side one more time, I will personally take it off his head and burn it.

P.S. Unrelated question: What should I name my blog? Any suggestions?

Identity

2006-07-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

How does one define one's self? Over the past years I have been questioning who I am, and what exactly is me. I have now come to realize pretty much who I am as an individual recently.

Looking back on the past-- this last year in particular --I have seen my follies and have learned upon those very instances. Such mistakes as the desire to "fit in," and even change myself as a person to do so. It was the drive to be what I thought was "cool" (I apologize if this sounds like a P.S.A.) that forced me to not be who I truly was. This being, hanging out with people who made me just feel awkward, dressing and acting like someone I wasn't, trying so hard to fit in that I changed things about myself as a person --all just to make people like me.

A majority of this feigning was my sexuality. As long as I can remember, I have known I was gay. Of course, I kept this as a deep secret for fear of in-acceptance and overwhelmingly: fear. This past year I, somewhat, came out as being bi-sexual. Honestly, looking back on this, I truly regret just not fully saying to everyone, "Hey, I'm GAY! Now, who's down for lunch?" I feel now that the reason I did not flat out come out was because some odd reasoning I thought well, if I say I'm bi-sexual, people will accept that. This worked out for about, oh, a week; then I began to realize that this was a lie, and that someday, somehow people had to know and I couldn't go on being something I wasn't. And, eventually, that day did come. Now most-- if not all --my friends and one family member know the truth.

I am very proud to say that after announcing this, I have, at last, felt liberated to be myself. I recently feel that I can think what I think, dress how I dress, listen to whatever the hell I want to, and be my own being mainly without fear or influences. If there's anything that I've learned from this past year, and from my past experiences, it's that to never be anyone but who I am, and, dammit Josh is who Josh is!

Project Awesome

2006-07-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Last night, alas, was the premiere episode of "Project Runway" on NBC. Not having Bravo-- which is Lifetime for gay men --I was ecstatic to finally see the show for the first time. The verdict: I love it and I intend to devote much of my free time watching it. Unfortunately, I was somewhat disappointed to not see some bitchy designer fight off a flaming queen for a piece of chiffon fabric, seeing as this is the first episode and everybody is pretty much hum cheery. Although, I do hope to see the hair pulling and name calling commence shortly. The show started off right away with the contestants moving into the house. Some of them are boring and I could care less about them (so far) but most are pretty damn entertaining. Some of my favorites are:

Laura- She kind of looks like a monster, but you have to appreciate any one who can turn a rug and some crap off a chandelier into this

Malan- He's an asshole snob who pretty much just said,"Ugh, it was so irritating. . ." or, "These people were so irritating. . ." I'm betting this guy slaps some bitch halfway through the season for breaking his Be-dazzler. I can always hope.

Kayne- Not terribly interesting. Although, you gotta root for the blatantly gay designer. Fabulous.

Vincent- Not really a favorite, but I had to put him here solely because of his whacked out basket hat. What the hell was he thinking?! Later on he tried to kiss up to the judges saying he didn't really want the hat there; when, the day before, he was planning on glue gunning a piece of rubber to it and thinking it was the best piece there. LIAR! Also, is it just me or does he look like Elton John?

Jeffery- This guy is awesome because he's jaded and bitter. What's not to love in a reality contestant? This said, his dress was a horrid piece of mish-mashed cloth that looks like something Courtney Love would wear after being found passed out in a New York City bathroom with a Crystal Meth pipe in one hand and a year's supply of Vicodin in the other.

The first challenge was to make women's wear out of anything they could tear through in their apartment. The end result was a chic New York Apartment transformed into what I would imagine Bobby Brown's house looks like. So, blah, blah, blah, a couple stitches and glue guns later the designers have their clothes ready. They do the whole runway face-off and the judges bash Elton John and Courtney Love's stylist for their ugly dresses. Finally, in the end, this chick is eliminated. Do I care? No. She wasn't entertaining anyways. And the show ends. All in all, good episode. I can't wait to see the cat fights that ensue during the next episodes when the designers have had three hours of sleep, there's only one sewing machine left, and some one's throwing a temper tantrum because some one else stole their lace accents. Dammit, that's good tv.

My free time is controlled by an Internet web log

2006-07-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hm. What does it say about me that one of the things I've been obsessing over for the past two weeks is updating my blog? Well, I'm not sure but I can say that the reason why I have not posted recently is because I was gone; therefore, I did not quite have the capabilities to post. This post won't be a long winded post, seeing as I can not think of anything interesting to post about. In fact, I think I'll end this post here. I will spare you my incoherent ramblings about why I can't find the damn cd's I want anywhere or why Elizabeth Hasselbeck gets on my nerves and how I secretly wish Rosie O'Donnel eats her when she starts hosting (yes, I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I watch "The View"). Anyhoo, I hope to update on interesting stuff once said stuff happens.

note: I counted the word or form of the word "post" six times in one paragraph. My apologies.

Shop at Buffalo Exchange. All the cool kids are doing it.

2006-06-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

Button-up Positano shirt: $11
Gray Monarch tee: $20
Black and White checker belt: $10
Cliché commercial parody: ~~my dignity~~ Priceless

So, I came back from Albuquerque a couple of days ago. Yes, yes, I know it sounds like I've become utterly infatuated with this city, but I am not. True, this blog is over due, but I did not have the proper time nor internet resources to do so. Anyhoo, I just wanted to rave about my newly discovered awesome store: The Buffalo Exchange. The basic premise for this store is: people trade-in clothes they don't want, then, people can come to the store and buy stuff used but super cheap. Think of it like the Goodwill but with trendy "hip" kids and the occasional crazy hippie chick. At this fine establishment I got an awesome red, black, and gray button-up Positano shirt (ooo Italian!) and a grayish skull tee from Monarch. Sure, these don't exactly sound like that great of clothes, but I assure the stuff I bought is awesome. Now you may be wondering, "What the hell?! Why is this dude not only buying but wearing used clothes; he doesn't know where, who, or what they've been on/in." For those people I say, "Nay!" Okay, I admit, the shirts did have that certain "eww" smell, but once washed they seemed to smell well enough. Also, I must say, in my Positano shirt, I look hawt--with an a and a w. Well, that is basically it. Does it make me vain and shallow to devote my blog to clothes and shopping? Maybe. All I can say is I look fabulous. Ha! I kid, I kid.

UPDATE I went there again recently. I'm proud to report that I got some more awesome clothes. These include a vintage shirtish thing, a super sexy red Pop Icon shirt, brown/orange stripped shirt, a robot tee, and a fantastically weird yellow shirt.

June is Gay Pride Month--since when?!

2006-06-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

In Albuquerque this weekend, I seemed to notice, "Hey, this place--the swanky area by the college called "Nob Hill"-- is really gay!" Upon reading some flyer on a store I found out that apparently June is Gay Pride Month. How could I not know this?! I mean come on! There should be a special committee to inform gay kids about this kind of stuff, or, at least, a Will and Grace marathon. My dad seemed not (or did not want) to notice all the rainbows and giant words saying, "Pride" inconspicuously painted on a bunch of buildings. Haha, he later discovered all of this while accidentally picking up a magazine about the queeny things to do in Albuquerque; utterly confused as to why men were so close to each other and why there were very masculine looking "women", he later realized what he was looking at, promptly felt embarrassed, and, I'm sure, looked around awkwardly.

I was actually quite surprised hearing that Albuquerque actually has a gay community. Of course, it is kind of disheartening coming back to Las Cruces where there is a gay population of about ten gay guys, thirteen lesbians, and some super flaming queen that I often times see at the mall. I guess I can hope for a bunch of closet cases to come out in the passing months--hah, just kidding.

Pandering with Civil Rights

2006-06-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

Seeing what the American Senate has begun debating today, I feel the need to express what I feel in one of the few ways that I can---blogging. Of course, what I am speaking of is the purposed constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

What is becoming more evident is the fact that President Bush and this administration have used this as a platform to bring back their lost uber right wing base. This seems to disturb me seeing how the leader of this free nation, a democracy: being of equal rights for all, is using the basis of this nation, the Constitution, for reasons none other than to better himself politically. This is but a shameless attempt to bring back supporters from the "family values" groups.

Another thing is that the Constitution was founded as a document granting rights. What is this "amendment" giving to our country? It is almost a perversion of the American Ideal permitting for something to be added to the constitution denying rights to any American citizens, to productive American people, to citizens that function and live in this democracy. I am aware that if this amendment does pass, (which is most likely will not) there is still a lengthy process as to which must be taken in order to be added to the law; hereby making it slim to impossible that the law will pass. Yet, it is not the threat of an impending amendment that bothers me, it is the mere idea that in a country such as ours this sort of thing may happen. That rights of a group of American people can be denied and frivolously thrown around for political gain.

My last lamentation about this issue are the family value groups who persistently commit to the ideal that this amendment is protecting our youth and the morals of this country. I am gay, does this, in a sense, make me immoral? Is it inherit that because I am attracted the same-sex that our love is not deserving of such rights as straight couples do? Further more, I am tired of these groups throwing around the idea that this is protecting the sanctity of marriage. If this marriage is so "holy" then why do most marriages end in divorce, why is it that countless celebrities can have 55-hour marriages, why is it that, for something regarded as so "pure", it is possible to get married in plentiful trailer-trash, run-and-gun chapels in Las Vegas?

I end this saying that I do not hold resentment for President Bush, Christian moral groups, or even the people who hate me solely because I am who I am; I just want to live the American Dream and be open to the same opportunities as the people I see every day. I am not an immoral person, I am just an American, worried about securing my rights as a law abiding person of this country. Given, there are more things to worry about in this world more important than marriage

---Josh

Taking pictures is fun, posting said pictures on Blogger is even more fun.

2006-06-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

Disclamer: Excuse the low-quality pictures. I forgot to put it on the "high-quality" setting on my phone.

All these pictures were taken from mine and Stef's adventure at K-Mart. Lot's of fun.

Hehe. K-Mart has a wide selection of gaudy clothes for that fashion foward trailor trash.

Cameo by Stef's arm

Haha we both looke like complete retards standing there in K-Mart taking pictures of ourselves being stupid

It looks like a rabid raccon is eating my head

Boredom. What fuels the internet.

2006-05-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

So yes, I'm bored yet again and I have decided to "blog dis bitch up in hur". I came back today after being forcibly sent to the lake. I now am abnormally dark and still trying to recuperate from the attack on me by the sun. Well, today I've accomplished nothing aside from browse along purevolume.com and download various awesome songs from awesome bands. Erm. . .this blog isn't making any sense and is becoming tedious so, I will attempt to force some structure in this limp entry with somewhat random things to write about:

1 [Boys]
-As I've said before, I'm still waiting for someone to fall in love with. At the moment I have a super flamer boy-crush on Carlos (the one that I foolishly did not ask to dance at Prom). Okay, well, my tribulations concerning this particular boy is that I really like him, but I'm not sure if he even has the slightest interest back. I guess I'm just too much of a little girl to take a chance and blurt out, "Carlos, I really like you! Now let's go make gay love". Okay, maybe not that, it's a little creepy, but you get the point. Hmm well, there's still my slim hope that someone someday will come. Till then I'll write cheesy blogs like this, and wait. . .

2[Crazy parents and being forced to disgusting bodies of water]
-This Thursday my mom was starting to get---shall we say, psychotic? Her problem was that I didn't want to go with her to a nasty place of fish stank water (a.k.a Elephant Butte Lake) so she kind of blew up on me right before I left to school. In her fit of anger she screamed such uplifting words as, "Josh, you're fucking pissing me off!!" or, "You're just a spoiled little brat. You think you can do whatever the fuck you want!". She threatened me with not going to Warped Tour; Which I'm really hoping was just a threat out of anger. Well, at the lake she calmed down, and I basically spent half the time bored to the point of playing with dirt and staring at assorted objects for a couple of hours and the other half having an okay time.

Hmm. . .I've become lazy typing the above three paragraphs, so, I will end this blog abruptly. Till next time---

Josh

Note: Please tell me if my blogs are becoming too whinny and/or bitchy.

The fallout of my cohorts

2006-05-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

It seems something sad has dawned upon me; for I am writing this blog after my recent trip to the mall. Alas, I haven't seen any of my old time pals in such a long time, so of course I was happy to go along and "hang". Yet as more time went on, it dawned on me--I had outgrown my friends. The super awesome antecedents of a year ago were gone. I found myself somewhat out of place. I just did not find myself having such a good time as I had thought I would; the feeling was creeping there that I just didn't fit in with my best friends of three years past. I do not know what it was other than the fact that I felt distant and detached to them. Again, I'm not quite sure what to say aside from the sad truth that I quite possibly have outgrown them. Is it them? Is it me? I don't know, but I am saddened by this none the less.

Prom, '06

2006-04-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ahh yes. Saturday was the giant teen hormonal orgy, also known as prom. Well, the day started well enough, to spare you the tedious details, I did my "hur" (using my inheret super gay powers, of course), got into my tux, and was picked up by Stef. We got there and made blaitently offensive jokes about mexicans/cowboys/old people and continued our way to dance the night away. Prom was mainly spent by Stef and I dancing like retards and having a hell of a time. Seriously, we were the most awesome people there. While all the ghetto chicks were ~~dancing~~ having public sex, we were doing our "cheesy white people" moves. We're so awesome. Aww, there i saw Carlos :). He looked super studly and hot in his tux. I have a super homo-flamer boy crush on him, unfortunatley I don't think it will go past that :(. He saw me and walked over to us. So we talked, while Stef sucked the helium out of a ballon. Now that I look back on it, I really should've not been so dumb and asked him to dance. I'm still kicking myself for not doing so. Well, anyways, Prom was awesome, Stefanie and I are awesome, not asking Carlos to dance was not awesome, our dance moves were awesome, pissing off ghetto chicks with said dance moves was awesome.

After Prom Me, Stef, Annie, Amy, and erm...Amy's date went bowling which, oddly, played way better music than the dj at Prom. We then went to Denny's yet this was hurried due to the fact that I had to be home by 2, and Stef's eagerness to go have sex (makeout) with her new boyfriend, Sean. So yeah. I got home and fell asleep to some guy selling colon cream on the tv.
The End

Talent show, dirty ho's, and who else knows

2006-04-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

Why hello, non-existent readers! Today was a pretty much "meeh" day. Nothing more than me putting up with school, the usual. But, today was the day of the Sophomore Talent Show. Wow, it sucked BAD. I went with Stefanie (shes awesome, and will probably be in many blogs to come) and we basically just made fun of everyone that went up. Like immature 12-year olds--we're going to hell, unfortunately. I felt kind of bad laughing at them, and I was trying my best to be polite and not bust out laughing. I know, I'm an asshole. We sat by Stef's friend who had a cute guy there. Of course, I didn't say anything, I'm pretty sure Stef is still "iffy" about my being gay. But, I will explain that some other time. Well, like halfway trough we decided to leave and go "hang" at the mall. It was basically the same thing we do everyday--being retards, messing with random stuff in stores, and air hockey. WHICH, by the way, I so almost won. So, Stef needed to get her schedule, and we went to McDonald's (were she works). Last, we went to Best Buy, and played, horribly, Guitar Hero. Thus, ending our loser-ass time together. And here I am, blogging, being my usual loser self.

Like a (blogger) virgin...typed for the very first time

2006-04-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm a "noob" to this whole blogger thing. So I just decided, randomly, to create an account at Blogger to further my odd adventures, senseless rants, and angst upon the sad lonely people of the Midwest (I apologize to any sad, lonely people from the Midwest who happen to stumble upon this ol' blog). Seeing as this is my first blog on Blogger, and how nothing has provoked me to write at the moment, this will be a short blog. This will just seem to serve as my short "welcome" to the one person who mistakenly strolls onto this blog, and might take the time to read a paragraph or so.